Imagine if….Ireland was where the UK is and the UK was where the Irish are….the asshole English would be where they should be….
Imagine if Canada had a border with Mexico, and the USA was where Canada is…what a great continent the America’s would be…
Imagine if New Zealand was on the other side of Australia…New Zealand would have more people than sheep and Australia would be where it belongs…
Imagine if the Singapore Government stops telling Singaporean’s what to do for just one day, what would Singaporean’s do…
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Cultural Observations 1
If you want to screw up an Indian driver, disconnect his car horn…
If you want to screw up security in the Philippines, take away the magic chop stick they use to poke in your briefcase to find bombs…
The Philippines is all screwed up anyway, but if you really want to completely screw it up, ban all talking for one day, especially from short ass Gloria…
If you want to see screwed up Singaporean’s, wait until the Old man dies. They are going to be like a bunch of chickens with no head…
If you want to screw up the French, insist all the old art objects in the Louvre get returned to their country of origin….
If you want to screw up the British, take away their umbrella’s …
If you really want to screw up the British, insist on metrication….no more miles, no more pints, no more pounds….
If you want to screw up the Arabs, take away all the Expat’s…no more Indian’s, no more Philippino’s, no more westerners…then what?
If you want to screw up the Iranian’s, its easy. The American’s should ban any American bank from having dealings with any foreign bank with corresponding relations with Iranian banks…
If you want to screw up the Italian’s, insist they work in August…
If you want to screw up the Spanish, insist they speak French…
If you want to piss off the American’s, call them Canadian’s…
If you want to piss off the Austrians, call them German's...
If you want to piss off the Belgian's, call them Dutch...
If you want to understand the Scandinavian's its easy, it works like this..
All good ideas are thought of by the clever Finns in the dark nights of winter, and maufactured by the precise Swedes and then sold by the Danish Jews to the stupid Norwegians.
If you want to screw up security in the Philippines, take away the magic chop stick they use to poke in your briefcase to find bombs…
The Philippines is all screwed up anyway, but if you really want to completely screw it up, ban all talking for one day, especially from short ass Gloria…
If you want to see screwed up Singaporean’s, wait until the Old man dies. They are going to be like a bunch of chickens with no head…
If you want to screw up the French, insist all the old art objects in the Louvre get returned to their country of origin….
If you want to screw up the British, take away their umbrella’s …
If you really want to screw up the British, insist on metrication….no more miles, no more pints, no more pounds….
If you want to screw up the Arabs, take away all the Expat’s…no more Indian’s, no more Philippino’s, no more westerners…then what?
If you want to screw up the Iranian’s, its easy. The American’s should ban any American bank from having dealings with any foreign bank with corresponding relations with Iranian banks…
If you want to screw up the Italian’s, insist they work in August…
If you want to screw up the Spanish, insist they speak French…
If you want to piss off the American’s, call them Canadian’s…
If you want to piss off the Austrians, call them German's...
If you want to piss off the Belgian's, call them Dutch...
If you want to understand the Scandinavian's its easy, it works like this..
All good ideas are thought of by the clever Finns in the dark nights of winter, and maufactured by the precise Swedes and then sold by the Danish Jews to the stupid Norwegians.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Dogs breakfast in Chennai
Its a few years since I last visited Chennai, or Madras as it’s more commonly known. Basically I hate the place. I just don’t get what everyone sees in the shithole. It’s hot, humid, and crowded. The only interesting piece of action is the huge beachfront, the rest you can forget. My last trip was so bad I decided never to waste a minute of my life there again. Anyway, for reasons best not explained I was obliged to go back again a few days ago.
Firstly, I can report that the airport has not changed much. They are trying to get organized, but like many Indian airports, the more organized they get the more disorganized it becomes. Somehow the Indian passion for employing ten people to do one job just gets in the way of progress. Surprisingly, there were quite a few Koreans on the flight, a sign that Korea has its mind on trying to do in India what it’s failed to do in China. As an English speaker who prides himself on understanding any form of spoken English I sometimes battle understanding the Indian accent. So, I wonder how the Korean’s manage to understand what’s going on…maybe their passion for greasing the wheels of every business deal bypasses their need to speak or read English!
To make sure my Chennai trip was better than the last trip I decided to play it safe and book into a hotel that would satisfy my whinging whining nitpicking mentality. After a brief internet search I settled on the Taj Connemara. Now, anyone who knows India knows that the Taj hotel chain is famous for obscene luxury and so it was with great anticipation I checked into the Connemara.
First impressions are everything right. Well, sort of. The building is obviously an old colonial structure about four floors high. Nothing special, but not bad either. The lobby is small, plain and four starish at best. The room, on the ground floor was not bad by hotel room standards. What set it aside was the door leading out to the pool. Now this was something nice that I’ve never had before even though I’m not one for hotel swimming pools. The window was framed by big Fangipani's, beautiful!
The big letdown was breakfast in the café overlooking the pool. What a stupid arrangement of food and muddled service. Fruit juices were rationed. The fruits were crappy. The Chef was missing in action, so it took forever to get an egg cooked, and once it was served it came with the Waiter’s selection of other stuff and not what I ordered or wanted. Usually the service in Indian hotels, even bad ones is such that the Waiters fall all over the guests and it’s hard to eat in peace…but not at this hotel.
So…for Rupee’s 10,500 a night....give it a miss!
Firstly, I can report that the airport has not changed much. They are trying to get organized, but like many Indian airports, the more organized they get the more disorganized it becomes. Somehow the Indian passion for employing ten people to do one job just gets in the way of progress. Surprisingly, there were quite a few Koreans on the flight, a sign that Korea has its mind on trying to do in India what it’s failed to do in China. As an English speaker who prides himself on understanding any form of spoken English I sometimes battle understanding the Indian accent. So, I wonder how the Korean’s manage to understand what’s going on…maybe their passion for greasing the wheels of every business deal bypasses their need to speak or read English!
To make sure my Chennai trip was better than the last trip I decided to play it safe and book into a hotel that would satisfy my whinging whining nitpicking mentality. After a brief internet search I settled on the Taj Connemara. Now, anyone who knows India knows that the Taj hotel chain is famous for obscene luxury and so it was with great anticipation I checked into the Connemara.
First impressions are everything right. Well, sort of. The building is obviously an old colonial structure about four floors high. Nothing special, but not bad either. The lobby is small, plain and four starish at best. The room, on the ground floor was not bad by hotel room standards. What set it aside was the door leading out to the pool. Now this was something nice that I’ve never had before even though I’m not one for hotel swimming pools. The window was framed by big Fangipani's, beautiful!
The big letdown was breakfast in the café overlooking the pool. What a stupid arrangement of food and muddled service. Fruit juices were rationed. The fruits were crappy. The Chef was missing in action, so it took forever to get an egg cooked, and once it was served it came with the Waiter’s selection of other stuff and not what I ordered or wanted. Usually the service in Indian hotels, even bad ones is such that the Waiters fall all over the guests and it’s hard to eat in peace…but not at this hotel.
So…for Rupee’s 10,500 a night....give it a miss!
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